Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
