was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
