I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
