We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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