I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
whose parrot is this?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
