lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
