there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
