He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
