i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
