there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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