im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
