I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
