Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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