you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
