Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
