I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
