If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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