Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize