It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
