I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize