how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
