tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's shark week go big or go home
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
