Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
