did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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