I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i love accidental penises.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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