Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize