If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
