the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
