Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
