this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
