I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
