Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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