So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
