I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize