No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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