me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
