She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
