you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
