Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
