im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
