I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
