i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
