More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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