my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
