SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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