Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
