Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
