She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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