Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
as a side note pls kill me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
