He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
