Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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