My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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