If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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