now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
