You're completely useless in the revolution.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
