I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
