My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
