the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
