R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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