I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
