Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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