I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
