I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
