shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
