too bad you live with your parents still
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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