Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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